If everybody has the right to be in control of their life, “to do their own thing” (while respecting that others have the same right), how do we get along?

We engage in voluntary trade. We sell our skills to willing employers in exchange for a salary or wage, and we buy goods and services from willing sellers. We trade non-material values when establishing friendships and romantic relationships: if you provide values that are important to me—being sincere, caring, trustworthy, fun-loving, interested in sports, not interested in sports, etc.—and I offer values that are important to you, let’s be friends or lovers.

And if the pay is not right or the skillset not a match, if the price is too high or the quality too low, or if a relationship changes over time diminishing its value, then we are free to go separate ways, within the bounds of contract. This is not always easy, and sometimes we disagree about parting ways, but being in control of your life means having the right to walk away from the transaction or the relationship if that is what your best judgment tells you.

When we talk about being in control of our lives, the context is that each person properly is free to enter into, or not enter into, voluntary relationships with others. When someone else declines to enter into a relationship that we seek, that does not undermine our control in the relevant sense.

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